IT'S TIME!!!

So I keep telling myself it's time...time to keep up with the blog...time to keep up with writing and getting it all out there. Time to get back to reading...Time to get a job. So again...I'm saying it!! IT'S TIME!!

It's been over a year...how does that happen?? A YEAR!! Really??

I had my ONE YEAR cancer free anniversary, but I'm still finding it so hard to move on...why is that??  I'm always expecting and waiting for it to come back. I know it'll just take time...it's just time I feel like I'm wasting...

So back to the grindstone on weight loss!!

I moved on and comfortably into the 5:2 diet. Read about it!. It's one I don't have to fight with or even really think about...I made a list of foods I can eat and different ideas for low cal snacks and meals...I have to admit it's working. Last year put me back up at 178 when I weighed in in January.YIKES!!!

Didn't do anything about though for a couple months...I was having some severe issues with my immune system...sick all the time...it wasn't fun...Docs just said it's going to take time...so finally in April, I wasn't sick as often and my energy was starting to come back. In May I decided it was time to get back to it!!

I went back to low carb and dropped 12 lbs that first 2 week...then nothing...stayed on it and really strict for almost 6 weeks...finally got frustrated and decided to look into something else...the 5:2 was the one that made the most sense to me...BUT counting calories again...hmmmmmm.

Decided it was totally worth it and the weight started coming off...the first week was hard but after that it came pretty easy. I can pick and choose my days, which I LOVE and that's makes it so easy. I still don't eat a ton of carbs but I can...without my weight jumping 5 lbs in a day...

I have to say that I'm happy with how things are working out....I weighed in this morning at 151. I am so looking forward to seeing the 140's on the scale again.

OH and my hair grew in curly sometimes...straight others...and funky...but it's mine...lol

3rd Chemo done...and Good News!!

So we found out that my body is accepting full doses of the chemo and won't have to be split...

So I was cut from the 8 treatments they thought I might have to do down to 4!!! Can you whoop, whoop with me...do a little happy dance!!

Best news I heard this year...

So 3rd treatment was yesterday...only 1 more to go on May 9th...

I have an appointment with the radiologist on April 28th...to discuss the radiation...not sure on how long after chemo you can do it...wouldn't mind if they put it off a bit...so I can enjoy the camping season...

It sure is nice to actually see an end in sight...

Doing alright so far...seem to have a cold again...grrrr...was fine yesterday...headache and tired...nausea not to bad yet but stomach is sure bubbling...guess we'll see...

((HUGS))

Sporting the crazy bald look...lol!!

2nd Chemo...much easier so far!!

  Well we got the penthouse yesterday at the Cross…it was smaller and much quieter…the nurse was a little frantic when we arrived…the others were on break…but we were made comfortable as always…the nurses are always so wonderful there…

I was left with a bit of a mark still from my last I.V…all the fishing…she used the vein on the top of my arm…she kept saying ” oh this is going to be tricky…like three times” I gritted my teeth and she was literally done t was so in 5 seconds…It was so AWESOME…never in my life…my heart rate had jumped to 108 i was so worried…

With that done all went smoothly…no allergic reaction…woohoo…easy peasy…then home…not to bad most of the night…no appetite…mouth feels like cotton...had to take the emergency anti nausea pill…still upset when I went to bed…took a sleeping pill…and it was still after 2 am before I slept…was sick a couple times in the night…that was new…woke up at 10am and I feel like I’m in a fog…still nauseous but it could be worse…

So hubby took the kids out and I’m gonna crash!!

Ohh…Doc was so awesome…got morphine for the joint pain this time around….sleeping pills and the medicated mouthwash….

I also shaved my head last week…all gone…used to it now…and am actually enjoying it!! Who knew ??

Started Chemo!!!

  So the first time a round was NOT a pleasant experience...in my head, I honestly thought it was going to be better...well It didn't turn out the way had played it out.

First week was rough...a lot of joint pain the worst being in my jaw. It caused ear aches which really sucked. Let me tell you...the heating pads were my best friends!!! At night was the worst...knee pain, back pain, jaw pain...OH MY!!

The second week...immune system at it's lowest brought on a doozy of a cold over night...it was rough for the first few days too...again not sleeping...couldn't breath...man am I ever going to catch a break??

Third week is looking alright...of curse it's that time of the month...lol...but that's easy...my hair is falling out all over the house...so it's shaving day today...except my head is so sore...I swear every follicle is pissed about something which makes me think maybe tomorrow...doesn't matter I guess...hats on...

So I am going to ask doc for some better pain meds just for that first week...it was a tough one...but who knows maybe this time won't be as bad...really wish I knew...

Weight is really bouncing around...down 5 lbs overnight...then up 3...then down 2...then up 4...it's kinda crazy...

I did start working out again...which it AWESOME...went to 1 spin class....kinda killed me...but I will go back...BUT I also went back to PiYo...forgot how much I love it....

Chalene Johnson has a PiYo program coming out in June....sooooo excited!!

A Month in Review...

So surgery was on January 27th...It was a little scary considering it was also my first surgery ever...except my tonsils when I was five...lol

All went well...clear margins...they pulled 4 lymph nodes...but all looked good...was sore and tender for about a week and half...but by the two week mark I was feeling pretty good...had most of the motion back in my shoulder and I was only a little tender here and there...

My Cross Cancer Institute appointment was on February 19th...met with a wonderful Oncologist...he made everything so much easier...my tumor was grade 2/3...and aggressive which through onto the chemo road...also the family history...so Chemo it is...

Treatments start on March 7...hair will fall out 7-10 days after that :(  I went into prep mode this week...and cut my hair really short...won't be much to buzz when I have to...

So that is where I sit right now...

Everything feels so out of Control!!!

Everyday I wake up feeling exhausted…doesn’t matter how much I sleep or don’t sleep(which is more likely)…I just never feel like I’ve slept at all….I know at the moment there is s much going on that it’s really hard t shut my brain down…have been resorting to melatonin just to fall asleep…but you gotta do what ya gotta do…

Surgery is scheduled for the 27th…tomorrow is pre-admin…3hours…really??

Then we wait again…2 weeks to get the results of the tumor and lymph node biopsy’s then another 2/4 weeks to go to the cross cancer for radiation and or chemo…but everything hinges on the results of the biopsy…

Will be holding my breath…am still stress eating…and shaking my head and hating myself every step of the way…so more excuses…cutting the crap tomorrow…!!!

Well...BAD NEWS completely derailed me...

I was doing well for most of October and November...was proud of how I actually handled everything that was thrown my way...

I had my regularly scheduled mammogram...well!!! It did not go as planned...sent me right down for an ultrasound on my right breast...my heart sunk...they found something...



Scheduled for a biopsy a few days later...then the waiting began...wasn't sleeping...we had colds running through the house...we were all battling that...then Christmas put all the labs
behind...so we had to wait until Jan 2/2014 for the results...2 weeks!!! Almost killed me with stress...and my husband was no better...

BUT it gave me time to accept all that was going on...breast cancer runs through my family...going back to my grandmother...that I know of...my Aunts and my mom(twice)...my husband had somehow convinced himself that it was going to be nothing...what a guy...always the the optimist...he always has been...

When we go for the results and Doc says "It's cancer" I nod and my hubby lost it a bit...he got my Doc...that was already upset, even more upset...uuuhhhggg...men...lol

Anyway...now we start the battle ahead...have been for a dyed bonescan, chest x-ray and ultrasound of everything down to my waist to make sure it hasn't spread...then more waiting...

Have I ever told you how much I HATE WAITING!!!

I need a seatbelt for my Wagon...

I’m sure a lot of people fall off the wagon….and I’m sure that most of us get right back on…

That was my day yesterday…Wednesday’s have always been a reward day…It’s weigh in day for my BLC group on Sparkpeople…so I have always taken it as a day to boost my carbs for a meal or 2 in the morning. Sometimes a few chips or something if that’s what I’m craving…It’s a day that helps me stay strong for the rest of the week…

Woke up…weighed in…down .2

Story of how these past few weeks are going…up, down, up, down…can’t call it a plateau…the scale is moving…seems to up more then down lately. I keep telling myself that maybe KETO just isn’t working for me. All I wanted for my cheat day was oatmeal…it was a fierce craving…it was so good…and I felt so good during my morning workout…could have gone for hours…I swear…

I have never been a huge breakfast…I’m a bulletproof coffee kinda gal…

So I decided this week to add in oatmeal(steel cut) 1/4 cup dry for breakfast every morning…before 9…we’ll see on Saturday for my weekend weigh in…and go from there…

I also had a banana…forgot what they even tasted like…and 2 spoons of gravy on my meatloaf…that too was yummy…and some S&V chips…not a bad trip off the wagon…could have been really bad since there are 3 bags of Halloween candy sitting there calling my name…lol

I hope you all have an AWESOME HALLOWEEN!!!!!   Be Good!!!

The Scale of my Obsession!!!

Is huge!!!
What is it with the numbers…every morning I moan and groan about stepping on the scale…every morning I think I’m going to skip it today…I know in my head that I don’t need to step on that contraption of bad news…make a coffee go sit down…ya right!!

So step onto the scale I do and there are those nasty numbers…up .2

Well then the parade of what did eat yesterday…going over everything…I already knew I didn’t eat enough calories…my protein was way down and my fats weren’t up enough…

I started the KETO diet a month back and have lost 5.4 lbs…very slowly…but to be fair I have been low carbing since January 2012. Have lost 42.8 lbs…yay!!  But hit a complete stall since June…I had put on 5 lbs over the 3 weeks of camping and now I just can’t shake it…no matter how spot on my diet is or how much I put out in sweat…so I thought Keto might be the answer…wasn’t a lot different from what I was doing…

Worked great for a week…now stalled again for the last 3…I’m going to start pre-planning all my meals…getting my macros a lot closer to what they should be…before I throw my hands up…2 more weeks…then I’ll measure everything including body fat% and go from there…

DAY 3 of The 30 day Real Time Challenge Done...BodyRock.TV...

I need to get back on track...

You know…I think about writing everyday but then I always just put it off…

I think it would be good for me to get everything down in writing…putting it all out there, so I know what I need to do to accomplish certain goals. I’m always thinking if I do this or do that…it would be a lot easier to see exactly where I am heading…

I need to put my foot down and just do it…no more putting it off…so I AM putting a reminder on my phone to go off everyday and make me get something down or something accomplished…anything, it doesn’t have to be a lot…so I did make a dream board with my 12 week goals…
So that’s where I’m starting…motivation and consistency are going to be a huge challenge for me…I have been very unmotivated lately…so I also started BODYROCK.TV’s Real time Challenge with Lisa and I absolutely LOVE it but mind you I’m only on Day 2…lol

We’ll see how much I love it on Day 10…

So Starting weight – 148.6

Working on the Plan...

So I'm working on the plan and it's still on track...

Step 1: Excellent...have NOT brought one single thing into the house. The kids didn't say a word about anything...good thing they like popcorn because that
 fruit and veggies are the only things for snacks in the house.

Step 2: I have only missed tracking for 1 day...and only off on my macro's 1 day too...wasn't feeling well.

Step 3: Workouts are still the same but I did get in a couple of kettlebell workouts...

So now I still have to get my workouts in order...so really need to work on step 3...

Now onto...

Step 4: I'm going to have to combine this with step 2...I may have did good on the tracking and staying in my macro's...BUT it still wasn't always the right
 food. So I'm going to have to dig deep just to get back on track...stay with in my macro's and stay to food that makes me feel good.

Step 5: Well that's a good question...
So far so good...taking it slowly and not calling myself every name in the book when I fall off plan a little bit...set my mind at the 75% mark and as long as I hit that...no complaints....

FINDING my motivation and will power...

So I’ve been going over everything that’s been going on lately and have decided that it’s time to work on finding my motivation and will power…it seems that I’ve been looking for it for a long time it’s just taken me a while, a long while to face it.

So where do you start…it seems like a 100 step process that I’m just not prepared for…so it’s going to be  one step at a time…

For me…

Step 1: Clean out the cupboards…this really wasn’t hard just a little heartbreaking…but bye bye junk…anything and everything is in the garbage…bag is tied and it’s sitting there waiting for the garbage man. Kids are going to have a bit of a fit but I’m sure it won’t last long…it never does.

So with step 1 accomplished it’s on to step 2…

Step 2: Tracking ALL food…it’s not that I ever really stopped tracking but I was just rounding and guessing at about 75% of it…so it’s time to pull the scale out again and start tracking everything. I need to know exactly what I’m eating to figure out exactly what’s going on.

Step 3: Workouts…I have been working out but have been stuck in a spin bike rut. I love it BUT I need to start switching it up again. I haven’t went to BodyCombat or BodyPump for a long time now and I really do need it. It always excited me and made me feel good…but the lazy side has taken over and I need to pack her up and ship her out!!!

Step 4:  STILL THINKING… needing ideas…
So we ended a 4 day flu lock down on Monday…it ran through the whole family…literally!! I spent a full 48 hrs in bed…well and the bathroom…lol…finally started moving around on Sunday night and am just starting to feel like myself again…except for the headaches. They are dragging out off and on for the past few days.

So that’s the start of my plan…still need to work on more but the basics are there…I will be finding my motivation and will power…it can’t hide forever!!!

Hanging my head...

Well the week went good....BUT then the weekend hit. Football game on Friday. Poker night on Saturday then Summerslam on Sunday. Too much to eat...too much to drink.
 
    Now I'm terrified to step on that scale again. I was down 3 lbs as of last Wednesday but I know just by looking that I'm back up. Next weekend is nothing so I should have 2 good weeks with nothing to throw me off track. It's always so hard to just get back at it. I know I can do this. I just feel a little deflated lately. No willpower to think of...so I'm trying hard to dig it out!!!

Getting back into the swing of things....

Getting back into the swing of things seems to be the story of my life...

Summer always rolls around and my life turns into a chaotic mess...working around all the kids schedules mine seems to fall by the wayside. I have tried to stay up with my workout routines but some days it was nonexistent. Which put me in an awful mood some days. Then everyone is "Why are you so bitchy?" I try really hard to explain it to no avail. I'm just wasting my time and energy. So now I have spent the last  week catching up on me and ignoring every thing else...well not everything. It's kind of hard to ignore a 6 yr old that won't stop or leave me alone for 5 minutes. So we came up with a deal that if mommy has her earphones in then it's mommy time...worked a little better.

We came back from 2 weeks at the lake on Aug 4. I didn't step on the scale until the 6th. Was up 7.4 lbs. Which happens every year because it becomes a free for all for a couple weeks. Getting in everything that I haven't eaten in a very long time. And having it all in abundance. Planned and accepted.

So this week I'm down 4 lbs. Should be back to normal next week. It would have been easier if all the kids weren't home. A little more time to work out...and plan my meals a little better...but I'll take it and keep working at it.

So this week - back to spin at least 4X this week. I really want to get to BodyCombat but not sure if that's in the cards. Yoga at least 2X...I'm feeling so tight...

So here's to sticking to a plan without too many distractions....right...

June Goals...Update!!!

June has always been my workout harder and dig deeper month...we camp a lot in July and August. This year I will do more because I CAN!!! Hiking, biking, 2 rock climbs and a sky dive...it's going to be a good summer !!!!

1. Workouts - keep to schedule with my pump program(ST)...fell off the program for a bit now...it's time to get back to it...
*****I only hit it 1X this week...I know it's because I do ST while I'm on my spin bike and I'm done before I even get to PUMP...

2. BodyBalance or yoga warrior - 2 or 3X a week...
*****I hit them both 1X...yoga warrior is a killer...ouch!!

3. BodyCombat 3X a week - having a tough time getting back to it.
*****Only 1X...I wanted to a few times but couldn't manage it time wise...so sad...BUT there's always next week...

4. Morning Workouts - I really need to get this back on track!!
*****This is getting so much better...trying to have spin or combat done by lunch, sure has made life a little easier...

5. DIET - Really tracking and reviewing my food intake. Haven't been eating enough lately.
*****So I did start carb cycling again...and it's going alright. The scale is still inching down...but I did just start so I guess we'll see...

6. NO SNACKING - after 8pm...I've been really good for 7 days now. Need to keep it going.
*****A few slips but not enough to cry about...so that's good.

I am having a tough time sleeping some nights and am hoping it's just because I have been feeling a little overwhelmed...there's just so much going on. We have 6 birthdays this month and 2 of them I'm throwing...plus all the soccer games and practices. Plus trying to figure out where the money is coming from to cover some of it....uuuhhhggggg

So this month is a little soccer nuts...3 games a week plus a practice and 2 tourneys...yikes!!!
Will work through it all and pretty sure I will survive but it's going to take a lot of planning and organizing to get through it all!!!!


I have aligned some goals with my goals for BLC...on track and NO EXCUSES!!!

June Goals...

June has always been my workout harder and dig deeper month...we camp a lot in July and August. This year I will do more because I CAN!!! Hiking, biking, 2 rock climbs and a sky dive...it's going to be a good summer !!!!

1. Workouts - keep to schedule with my pump program(ST)...fell off the program for a bit now...it's time to get back to it...

2. BodyBalance or yoga warrior - 2 or 3X a week...

3. BodyCombat 3X a week - having a tough time getting back to it.

4. Morning Workouts - I really need to get this back on track!!

5. DIET - Really tracking and reviewing my food intake. Haven't been eating enough lately.

6. NO SNACKING - after 8pm...I've been really good for 7 days now. Need to keep it going.

7. Weight - To be down to 140 again!!!


On track and NO EXCUSES!!!

Getting on with it....

I honestly didn't realize that I disappeared for so long. No excuses...just life in general....but it;s time to get back to writing it down, I am an avid Sparkpeopler...I love that site. Just the groups and participation...make it such an AWESOME and fun site. So I have not fallen off the wagon but I have spent the last 5 or so months bouncing around between 146 and 155...up, down, up, down....

Well it's time to just keep it heading down. So writing out my food and workouts...and just everything I can think of to get back on track!!

So I finished Insanity for the second time back in January...or was it February?? lol  I moved on to RushFit for a bit...then I hurt my knee and was out for about 3 weeks...NOT good!!  I came back and started on Beachbody PUMP.  I love it at the gym but couldn't seem to stay interested in the one at home. So I bought a spin bike and have been addicted for the last 7 weeks. I know I have to start switching it up BUT....

More tomorrow...sleep tonight...

November Over?

I must say that I really haven't even had 2 minutes to myself in 16 days now...Literally!!!!

GOALS FOR NOVEMBER...

1. FOOD Choices - back to basics on low carb -- This has been hard for me this past month and I have no idea why...so I'm hoping by going back to basics I can figure it all out again
----------- NOT Good AT ALL this month...I had the intention of getting back to it every morning but my good intentions always seem to fall by the wayside...I haven't really gained any weight but I haven't lost any either...

2. INSANITY - Stick to the program...am a bit worried about boredom -- so am thinking I might add in BODYCOMBAT 3 times a week to spice it up.
----------- This is going GREAT...am actually really loving Round 2...maybe because I know what's going on...Round 1 was just plain hard work...this time round, I can put in a lot more effort...

3. BODYPUMP - 3 days a week
-----------Not finding it hard to stick to this one because...I LOVE BODYPUMP!!!

4. BLOG at least 4 times a week -- for the sanity of it all
-----------I always think this will be an easy goal and it always tends to be the hardest one...I was horrible at this again this month...but I will keep trying...

I had Dilyn home for 2 weeks this month...her operation went well but she is still whiny and clingy and just not getting better so I took her to the Doc and found out she has ear infections...well...so all is getting better...her talking is still wonky but it's getting better.I am Physically and mentally drained....so tired all the time. This has been such a hard week to even have the energy to complete my workouts...

Week 1...Nov. Goals...

GOALS FOR NOVEMBER...

1. FOOD Choices - back to basics on low carb -- This has been hard for me this past month and I have no idea why...so I'm hoping by going back to basics I can figure it all out again
----------- They were good this

2. INSANITY - Stick to the program...am a bit worried about boredom -- so am thinking I might add in BODYCOMBAT 3 times a week to spice it up.
----------- Have stuck with it even though I found out I will have to restart it on the 7th...going to see if they would consider starting on the 6th because the first day on the program is a rest day(totally weird) but I would love the rest days to land on Sundays...

3. BODYPUMP - 3 days a week
------------ Only made it twice this week...having trouble balancing my time...

4. BLOG at least 4 times a week -- for the sanity of it all
------------ Well If I count my Nov goal blog and this one...

So today is our family B-Day party for Devyn and Dilyn...everyone coming over...like the family ones because it's not such a big deal on the clean house thing...it's usually pretty clean(I am a Flybaby) and it's pretty organized but it seems like I'm always picking up after the kids and getting tired of it...

So NEW goal for the week....

I'm getting after my kids to put away and pick up after themselves...their not little anymore and it's really getting on my nerves....

NOVEMBER -- GOALS!!!!

This year has gone so fast...October ended in a blink...so November it is...I may be crazy but have started ROUND 2 on INSANITY. Have joined in a 60 day challenge with my Beachbody coach and few others on Facebook...should be interesting...

GOALS FOR NOVEMBER...

1. FOOD Choices - back to basics on low carb -- This has been hard for me this past month and I have no idea why...so I'm hoping by going back to basics I can figure it all out again

2. INSANITY - Stick to the program...am a bit worried about boredom -- so am thinking I might add in BODYCOMBAT 3 times a week to spice it up.

http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/insanity.do

3. BODYPUMP - 3 days a week

http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/les-mills-pump-workout.do

4. BLOG at least 4 times a week -- for the sanity of it all

That should take me through November with INSANITY up until the new year...I actually did miss my time with Shaun T -- we were just starting the love/hate relationship when it ended without a word...so I guess it's time to see where I stand with him