Everything feels so out of Control!!!

Everyday I wake up feeling exhausted…doesn’t matter how much I sleep or don’t sleep(which is more likely)…I just never feel like I’ve slept at all….I know at the moment there is s much going on that it’s really hard t shut my brain down…have been resorting to melatonin just to fall asleep…but you gotta do what ya gotta do…

Surgery is scheduled for the 27th…tomorrow is pre-admin…3hours…really??

Then we wait again…2 weeks to get the results of the tumor and lymph node biopsy’s then another 2/4 weeks to go to the cross cancer for radiation and or chemo…but everything hinges on the results of the biopsy…

Will be holding my breath…am still stress eating…and shaking my head and hating myself every step of the way…so more excuses…cutting the crap tomorrow…!!!

Well...BAD NEWS completely derailed me...

I was doing well for most of October and November...was proud of how I actually handled everything that was thrown my way...

I had my regularly scheduled mammogram...well!!! It did not go as planned...sent me right down for an ultrasound on my right breast...my heart sunk...they found something...



Scheduled for a biopsy a few days later...then the waiting began...wasn't sleeping...we had colds running through the house...we were all battling that...then Christmas put all the labs
behind...so we had to wait until Jan 2/2014 for the results...2 weeks!!! Almost killed me with stress...and my husband was no better...

BUT it gave me time to accept all that was going on...breast cancer runs through my family...going back to my grandmother...that I know of...my Aunts and my mom(twice)...my husband had somehow convinced himself that it was going to be nothing...what a guy...always the the optimist...he always has been...

When we go for the results and Doc says "It's cancer" I nod and my hubby lost it a bit...he got my Doc...that was already upset, even more upset...uuuhhhggg...men...lol

Anyway...now we start the battle ahead...have been for a dyed bonescan, chest x-ray and ultrasound of everything down to my waist to make sure it hasn't spread...then more waiting...

Have I ever told you how much I HATE WAITING!!!

I need a seatbelt for my Wagon...

I’m sure a lot of people fall off the wagon….and I’m sure that most of us get right back on…

That was my day yesterday…Wednesday’s have always been a reward day…It’s weigh in day for my BLC group on Sparkpeople…so I have always taken it as a day to boost my carbs for a meal or 2 in the morning. Sometimes a few chips or something if that’s what I’m craving…It’s a day that helps me stay strong for the rest of the week…

Woke up…weighed in…down .2

Story of how these past few weeks are going…up, down, up, down…can’t call it a plateau…the scale is moving…seems to up more then down lately. I keep telling myself that maybe KETO just isn’t working for me. All I wanted for my cheat day was oatmeal…it was a fierce craving…it was so good…and I felt so good during my morning workout…could have gone for hours…I swear…

I have never been a huge breakfast…I’m a bulletproof coffee kinda gal…

So I decided this week to add in oatmeal(steel cut) 1/4 cup dry for breakfast every morning…before 9…we’ll see on Saturday for my weekend weigh in…and go from there…

I also had a banana…forgot what they even tasted like…and 2 spoons of gravy on my meatloaf…that too was yummy…and some S&V chips…not a bad trip off the wagon…could have been really bad since there are 3 bags of Halloween candy sitting there calling my name…lol

I hope you all have an AWESOME HALLOWEEN!!!!!   Be Good!!!

The Scale of my Obsession!!!

Is huge!!!
What is it with the numbers…every morning I moan and groan about stepping on the scale…every morning I think I’m going to skip it today…I know in my head that I don’t need to step on that contraption of bad news…make a coffee go sit down…ya right!!

So step onto the scale I do and there are those nasty numbers…up .2

Well then the parade of what did eat yesterday…going over everything…I already knew I didn’t eat enough calories…my protein was way down and my fats weren’t up enough…

I started the KETO diet a month back and have lost 5.4 lbs…very slowly…but to be fair I have been low carbing since January 2012. Have lost 42.8 lbs…yay!!  But hit a complete stall since June…I had put on 5 lbs over the 3 weeks of camping and now I just can’t shake it…no matter how spot on my diet is or how much I put out in sweat…so I thought Keto might be the answer…wasn’t a lot different from what I was doing…

Worked great for a week…now stalled again for the last 3…I’m going to start pre-planning all my meals…getting my macros a lot closer to what they should be…before I throw my hands up…2 more weeks…then I’ll measure everything including body fat% and go from there…

DAY 3 of The 30 day Real Time Challenge Done...BodyRock.TV...

I need to get back on track...

You know…I think about writing everyday but then I always just put it off…

I think it would be good for me to get everything down in writing…putting it all out there, so I know what I need to do to accomplish certain goals. I’m always thinking if I do this or do that…it would be a lot easier to see exactly where I am heading…

I need to put my foot down and just do it…no more putting it off…so I AM putting a reminder on my phone to go off everyday and make me get something down or something accomplished…anything, it doesn’t have to be a lot…so I did make a dream board with my 12 week goals…
So that’s where I’m starting…motivation and consistency are going to be a huge challenge for me…I have been very unmotivated lately…so I also started BODYROCK.TV’s Real time Challenge with Lisa and I absolutely LOVE it but mind you I’m only on Day 2…lol

We’ll see how much I love it on Day 10…

So Starting weight – 148.6